tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-58776610714038579382024-03-14T08:43:21.718-04:00Best Tard Stories OnlineThe funniest stories about retards on the Internet. Stories about real life tards that drool and fling poo. Grab your crash helmet and come right on in!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01928604478725678019noreply@blogger.comBlogger40125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5877661071403857938.post-27926191130124979082011-12-22T13:41:00.000-05:002011-12-22T13:41:27.901-05:00How Autistics Work out<iframe width="459" height="344" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/x8puBXUNYUM?fs=1" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe><br /><br />Try out this work out routine from the Intreweb's Asspie LOLCow ADF. What the fuck is with Autstics who think they are buffer than they are? And why do they cross dress?!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01928604478725678019noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5877661071403857938.post-62198800659984981632011-12-08T23:10:00.000-05:002011-12-08T23:10:02.335-05:00Guy falls down escalator in wheelchair<iframe width="459" height="344" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/Tu2plXY1MlM?fs=1" frameborder="0" allowFullScreen=""></iframe><br /><br />Wheelchair tard falls down an escalator. When will these retards learn to use the elevator? Hilarious as hell. I laughed like a tard and drooled!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01928604478725678019noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5877661071403857938.post-54320825307337033392011-12-08T22:54:00.000-05:002011-12-08T22:54:29.767-05:00Autistic Politics<iframe width="459" height="344" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/eVQZAJSrgh4?fs=1" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe><br /><br />Watch this confirmed Autistic talk about his politics. Yup, he is a communist transsexual. Why are Autistics more likely to do that transsexual shit? Seriously, it reminds me of Chris-Chan's TomGirl. Bonus footage of a pothead hippie spouting his bullshit.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01928604478725678019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5877661071403857938.post-41035639829179303832011-12-08T18:47:00.000-05:002011-12-08T18:48:09.003-05:00Asspie StrengthFrom 4-Chan:<br /><br />Back in middle school there was this aspie fuck named Jacob or something and we used to really fuck with him all the time. The real terrible people in our class would lead him into thinking they were friends and then start ignoring him. I think at one point he thought he was invisible because of this.Anyway for some reason we would just say "pickle" to him over and over again and he would totally flip shit about it and one time he used his asspie strength to pin some kid up against a wall. Funny shit.But a bunch of us got in trouble for harassing him or some bullshit and that's where we learned about aspergers. Now imagine that. A guidance counselor just told a bunch of immature junior high kids about asperger's syndrome, and how the kid we already fucking hate has it. That just made everything worse for him, as I'm sure you can imagine.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01928604478725678019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5877661071403857938.post-7541741912132049752011-12-08T18:43:00.001-05:002011-12-08T18:44:22.023-05:00Super Tard PowersHere is a funny story from 4-Chan:<br /><br />In elementary school, there was this tard named Justin or something stupid like that. He was fairly harmless, but so damn gullible. I in particular liked to fuck with him. I managed to convince him that he'd float into space if he didn't put rocks in his pocket. I remember me just laughing my ass off as he frantically shoved gravel and sand into his pockets. Another time some friends and I managed to convince him if he ate a caterpillar, he'd get super speed. You know how a tard runs, clumpy and slow with their arms out like they're trying to fly? That's what he was doing, while we were all cheering and acting amazed and impressed with his 'super powers'. The last major time I messed with him was when I noticed a big rock sticking partially out of the ground. I got Justin and managed to convince him it was a dinosaur bone. He got all the other tards to help him dig it up. This went on for about a week or so before the teacher decided to come investigate the quiet congregation of tards. She talked to Justin, saying they couldn't play in the dirt. He threw his plastic spoon he had been digging with and threw a loud tantrum. Stomping, screaming, and throwing stuff while his tard friends blankly stared. The teachers had to drag him inside.Pic related, Justin was fuckin terrified of snakes.<br /><br /><a href="http://4chanarchive.org/images/r9k/10497235/1280968384417.jpg"></a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01928604478725678019noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5877661071403857938.post-20573598146168854982011-11-26T22:21:00.001-05:002011-11-26T22:23:23.777-05:00Retard Spikes PunchHere is another gem from facepunch.com.<div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Tahoma, Helvetica, Arial, Verdana; font-size: 11px; background-color: rgb(187, 221, 255); "></span><span><span>I had a birthday party that my mom threw for me and she of course sent out my invitations for me to invite all my friends from the small community. She apparently though the Tard down the street roger was one of my friends or something because he got an invitation too.<br /><br />Anyways it was early in the party and we were outback jumpin on a trampoline while my mom was busying herself with preparing things. A few people had already arrived when Rog (Half the time he'd only respond to Rog, only adults could call him Roger) showed up at the door with his present in hand. No one answered the door and he let himself in. We didn't even know that he was in the house when he apparently heard the call of nature. He wasn't familiar with our house or something and couldnt find a bathroom within sight of the front door(i know its hard with these inventions called hallways) and seated himself above a punchbowl that was on the table next to the door, entirely removed his pants, and began to take a nasty tard shit, right into the punch bowl.<br /><br />Just as he was mid-turtlehead pokin out several other guests arrived, and walked in to find this greasy, rib-thin guy with the happiest look on his face makin a boom-boom in my Kool-aid. At the shock of being walked in on he grabbed his gift for the part and ran out the door, without his pants, and down the street back to his house. His mom made him apologize but we still had to clean it up.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Tahoma, Helvetica, Arial, Verdana; font-size: 11px; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgb(187, 221, 255); "></span></div><div><span><span><br /></span></span></div><div><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi09v1JrsgmeXAnQD8YJ3YY2Juw7AD85qpqf74Sb9BCtzrfEF4_MmyK2VRlQF9ZvBywe6LO6Yb150Kg-9pe_bBgQNrRX9QwiIA3I-HsTZf9HtR3sO6cOOe_8rA_9J7Z-vbNSn-1EFo7stc/s1600-r/turd_in_punchbowl.jpg" alt="The Turd in the Punchbowl" /></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01928604478725678019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5877661071403857938.post-71915127390328946212011-11-26T22:16:00.002-05:002011-11-26T22:19:09.245-05:00Comander Tard<div><span><span>I saw this on FacePunch.com. I'm not sure where it came from originally.</span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Tahoma, Helvetica, Arial, Verdana; font-size: 11px; background-color: rgb(187, 221, 255); "></span><span><span><div><span><span><br /></span></span></div>I'm sitting in my final period class--study hall 'cause I'm a lazy SOB-- listening to the tard in my class babble on about nothing in particular and occasionally laugh that goofy tard laugh.<br /><br />You have to understand: this is in rural Pennsylvania, a few miles outside of Gettysburg, so not only is the kid retarded, but he's a redneck military lunatic. He has this camoflauge backpack that he carries with him and talks to all the time (its name, apparently, is "Commander"-- I can't make this shit up).<br /><br />Anyway, he had just come from P.E. class, and he smelled worse than usual. I mean, he usually smelled like a tard that never bathed and had just taken P.E., but-- shit, today it was really bad. One of the assholes in the class (a senior) looks at him and asks why he smells so bad.<br /><br />"Not me," he says.<br /><br />"Not you? Then what smells so bad?"<br /><br />"Lieutenant."<br /><br />"Lieutenant?"<br /><br />"Yup."<br /><br />At this, the tard proceeds to reach into his backpack and pull out a skinned squirrel. I'm not shitting you. The thing smells like it's been in his backpack for a couple of days at this point. So he pulls this thing out of his tardpack and then--AND THEN--he starts to fucking GNAW on the squirrel's head.<br /><br />Christ, it was disgusting. By this point, girls have run screaming from the room, and at least one of the guys has puked. The "study hall supervisor" (also our P.E. instructor) comes back from the bathroom amid all the racket. He comes in and sees the tard chewing on something and decides to confront the tard about it (against the rules to have food, you know).<br /><br />"Hey, whatcha got the--OH, SHIT." He immediately goes into deal-with-the-fucking-tard mode and soothingly coaxes the tard into removing the squirrel from his mouth.<br /><br />The tard complies, then looks right in the supervisor's eyes and says, deadpan, "Commander doesn't like Lieutenant." I don't know what happened to him after that; he was transferred out of study hall and kept in the all-tard classes from then on.</span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01928604478725678019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5877661071403857938.post-85233528850981531672011-11-26T22:10:00.003-05:002011-11-26T22:13:49.166-05:00Retards Love Stretchy ThingsThis is an oldie but a goodie from the old Tard Blog.<div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px; background-color: rgb(187, 221, 255); "></span><span><span>I generally keep my desk locked. There are many things in there that could hurt a tard, and trust me--the first thing a tard tries to get is the thing that will hurt them the most. Paperclips, rubber bands, pushpins, white out, glue, etc; these are all magnets for curious tard hands. It is for this reason that I try not to unlock my desk unless I absolutely have to.<br /><br />Today I needed an envelope for a progress letter that I was sending to a parent. I foolishly forgot to re-lock the top drawer of my desk.<br /><br />Angelo has had problems before with playing with things he shouldn't. He tends to get obsessed with things that stretch when you pull them. He once almost tore the skirt off of one of his classmates because of the way it stretched. Today, because I left my desk open, he managed to get to my rubber band box while I was preparing my first group to walk to PE class.<br /><br />By the end of the day he started wimpering. I repeatedly asked him what was wrong, but he wouldn't say. He just gave me a teary eyed look and said that he didn't do anything wrong.<br /><br />Finally as we were lining up to leave he pulls down his pants and starts screaming.<br /><br />This doesn't surprise me, as it is more common than one might imagine in a tard class. I go to hike his pants back up and ask him what was wrong. It was then that I noticed he had wrapped a rubber band around his penis several times, and that it was starting to turn purple.<br /><br />I was fucking floored. I walked him down to the nurse, where she removed it and I called his mother to tell her what happened.<br /><br />I decided not to punish him, I think he's punished himself enough already.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgb(187, 221, 255); "></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgb(187, 221, 255); "><br /></span></span></div><div><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioV_Sr14McuY38OvcMN0mj2b59dG6eL8UkePBgAhDW6nv095RF9vnIVaAVHKu-dG8zpMrCBlnFN6yzJgtCu5Nrz3SvEVA35HJs0Sx-hBltkD567NuHk-5Sb53KtnveDngmT4zNMLlefhVc/s1600/Finger+wrapped+in+necklaces+-+turned+purple.jpg" /></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01928604478725678019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5877661071403857938.post-81198435396949875402011-11-24T14:29:00.000-05:002011-11-24T14:29:26.361-05:00People with down syndrome sings<iframe width="459" height="344" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/GSzdc9LnAPE?fs=1" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe><div><br /></div><div>Put on your crash helmet and grab your drool cup and watch a concert full of tards!</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01928604478725678019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5877661071403857938.post-36035412315457435642011-11-22T13:36:00.000-05:002011-11-22T13:36:04.111-05:00Fat Autistic<div><br /></div><iframe width="480" height="270" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/NTvVO-0kV-8?fs=1" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe><div><br /></div><div>Here is a video of a fat retard. He is acting Autistic. Now, this is what the adult aspie acts like.</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01928604478725678019noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5877661071403857938.post-40219310318433475422011-11-15T01:46:00.002-05:002011-11-15T01:47:54.142-05:00Tard Lobotomy<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; background-color: rgb(203, 225, 240); font-size: medium; "></span><span><span>so heres one a friend told me from when he went to school some years ago told in his perspective.<br />Obviously fake store I got from lolsaywhat.com. Its still funny.<br /><br />>be 15 i think<br />>tard in class to help promote equality and not make tards feel different<br />>tard gets out pencil and sticks it up his nose<br />>slams head down on table and send pencil into his brain<br />>dies<br /><br />friend swears to god this really happened and i of course believe him. and as soon as he told me i was reminded of batman when the joker does it with the black guy (but got it in the eye instead of the nose).<br /><br />"magic happened" is now a phrase we use when we talk about tards because of that tards "magic trick".</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgb(203, 225, 240); font-size: medium; "></span><div><span><span><br /></span></span></div><div><img src="http://www.yourinternets.com/storage/lobotomy.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1270566721351" /></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01928604478725678019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5877661071403857938.post-54632949521406606682011-11-15T01:43:00.001-05:002011-11-15T01:44:53.380-05:00Tard on the Subway<span><span>Here's a lovely story I got from lolsaywhat.com. Reminds me of an autistic friend of mine.<br /><br /></span></span><div><span><span>>at subway station<br />>turn corner in stairwell<br />>tard is crawling slowly up the stairs in animal mode<br />>It's just me and him<br />>Me: Uh... Do you... need some help?<br />>He stares at me<br />>drool trickles down his face<br />>I turn and keep walking<br />>his hand slips and he falls clean on his face<br />>MOOOOOOOOOOOO<br />>burst into laughter and run away</span></span><div><span class="greentext" id="greentext" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgb(203, 225, 240); font-size: medium; "></span></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01928604478725678019noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5877661071403857938.post-32264181713449180722011-11-15T01:40:00.000-05:002011-11-15T01:40:59.616-05:00Fat Retard Jiggles in his Underwear<iframe width="480" height="270" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/Q15CViQ9zEs?fs=1" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe><div><br /></div><div>Watch this fat retard sing and jiggle his 400+ pound body. He is wearing nothing but his underwear with the shit stain in the back. Just watch the damn thing, nothing I can say can make this more funny.<br /><div><br /></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01928604478725678019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5877661071403857938.post-27975194130356518672011-11-10T00:01:00.000-05:002011-11-10T00:01:25.999-05:00Typical Aspie Doing What They do Best!<iframe width="459" height="344" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/TH5mlAhdw00?fs=1" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe><div><br /></div><div>Here is a video of a typical 6-year-old Autistic. She is still in diapers. Aspies have a lot of problems toilet training. Even Christian Weston Chandler is an adult example of assburgers who still shits his pants. She communicates in nonverbal grunts. Just like your typical autistic. Watch and learn about how autistics really are!</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01928604478725678019noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5877661071403857938.post-76322339437678423582011-11-08T13:11:00.003-05:002011-11-08T13:34:57.515-05:00Sex Addicted Tard is Pregnant With 20th ChildOkay, this just makes me sick with the amount of resources this sow is wasting. Yes, you guessed right if you guessed I am talking about Michelle Duggar. According to the Huffington post this nasty thing is pregnant with her 20th child! <div><br /></div><div><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyJBp_F6_IePa33e6EeZI2pKAw_d9i2o7Au-hxId2qUJ7M-KdJyWeYpfQlIwqU-_cyb7tO_uAEJp2ksILuA098jguGEXdoiONlGU7UW9aVK83UzDBp0yNgOgHCg2jDRWW_5gr_xPPoSCs/s320/Bob+Duggar+and+his+wife+Michelle+pose+at+a+Rogers,+Ark.,+hospital+as+she+holds+their+16th+child+Tuesday,+Oct.+11,+2005.jpg" /></div><div><br /></div><div>Noone can possibly take care of 20 children! No, her solution is having the older children look after the younger ones while she gets filled up with more sperm so she can shit out her next abomination. There is not thought of stealing away the childhood of the older kids who have to watch over these children and change their shitty diapers. When you think of it, she is the white trash queen! She feeds her sex addiction and hording of babies and doesn't give a shit about anyone else.</div><div><br /></div><div>Now, you might say she is in that cult that does not believe in birth control... at all. There are ways around this, just fuck on your period or don't fuck at all. Not an option for this lovely addict. Its convient that her cult makes her wear skirts, because she can just squat and shit out a fetus and then be back to fucking!</div><div><br /></div><div><img src="https://encrypted-tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSuOoJRXO3A-uNT8we0WfCOIWAdO-WSAGf2xc-9_7yWWMZaD-Fn" /> Here's the article to read while I go spew copious amounts of vomit: <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/08/duggar-family-expecting-20-child-michelle-pregnant_n_1081530.html">http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/08/duggar-family-expecting-20-child-michelle-pregnant_n_1081530.html</a></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01928604478725678019noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5877661071403857938.post-52327225798428424272011-11-06T17:24:00.000-05:002011-11-06T17:24:52.678-05:00Thinning Out the Tard Herd<iframe width="480" height="270" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/YOVD-m8urJU?fs=1" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe><div><br /></div><div>Here's a video of the first gift we get over the Fistmas season. These Tards full of the Holiday Spirit stampede through a Target store to save a couple of bucks on a cheap toy. Of course, tards don't give a shit about anything but getting that shiny new toy! A man gets trampled by the overweight tards and well, none of the care. He's blocking the entrance so they can't get their new shiny toy!</div><div><br /></div><div>Thank God I no longer work retail. When I did, I would see retardation like this every year. I got to see the full Holiday spirit of trampling each other, fist fighting other customers, and of course abusing employees. I do get a laugh every time one of those ass-holes get trampled. Come on, those retards don't even realize that they aren't getting much of a deal.</div><div><br /></div><div>When I worked at Wal-Mart I would look at the markdowns. Four dollars for five dollar pyjama pants. 10 dollars for jeans which are normally 11. Yeah, my life is worth a lot more than a dollar!</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01928604478725678019noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5877661071403857938.post-12214200443631845972011-11-06T11:24:00.000-05:002011-11-06T11:24:20.737-05:00Autistic Retards are Dangerous<iframe width="459" height="344" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/dMZAsb2ALIM?fs=1" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe><div><br /></div><div>Here is a garden variety autistic describing about how tried to run over a man with his car in 2010. He reason he had an aspie tantrum was because this man was the manager of The Game Place that banned him. He was upset because he tried to apologize and the manager would not accept his apology, so he had a tard tantrum and tried to run him over.</div><div><br /></div><div>Then, on October 28, 2011, this butt-hurt autistic drove back up to The Game Place to start another confrontation. He was arrest. His name is Christian Chandler. November 7, 2011, will be his trial. This autistic celebrity of the Internet may spend a long time in prison. Now, its time find another autistic LOLcow to make fun of.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01928604478725678019noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5877661071403857938.post-80500522087872913082011-11-03T11:19:00.000-04:002011-11-03T11:19:59.785-04:00Black Tard Show Us How to Use the Toilet<iframe width="459" height="344" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/BYW6C44zo24?fs=1" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe><div><br /></div><div>I guess this is a big day for "her". She is using the toilet for the first time and is singing about it like a 3-year-old. I guess we should applaud this tard for learning such a valuable skill. Her handlers have less diapers to change.</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01928604478725678019noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5877661071403857938.post-60581629384701619952011-11-02T01:39:00.000-04:002011-11-02T01:39:56.717-04:00Worthless Fat Fuck Says, "I'm Hungry!!"<iframe width="480" height="270" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/2UrdSzR0BxU?fs=1" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe><div><br /></div><div>This is a video of a fat tard. Well, she may be a genius. She gets to lay around and eat all day while slaves cater to her every obsessive desire. There is lots of lulz when she says lardassians don't eat that much and sometimes she has to force herself to eat. LOL I don't see her skipping a meal ever! Its not like this is an annorexic. No, she spends more time horizontal than I ever could. Maybe she doesn't know why she's fat. Or that food causes obesity. Let's keep that secret to ourselves!</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01928604478725678019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5877661071403857938.post-52596156362624652382011-10-29T01:35:00.000-04:002011-10-29T01:35:47.306-04:00Dreams<iframe width="459" height="344" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/-_-P4t2jR1g?fs=1" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe><div><br /></div><div>Here's a video of down's tards. They are talking about dreams. Most of their dreams include not flinging poo and smearing it on walls. </div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01928604478725678019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5877661071403857938.post-49114220046151668622011-10-26T21:27:00.000-04:002011-10-26T21:27:58.975-04:00Tard Plays Fetch<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Here is one from LOLsaywhat.com. It is obviously fake.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">i found the lack of tard stories on here disturbing, so here's what happened a few weeks ago when i was going home from work.<br />
<br />
<span class="greentext" id="greentext">>just finished work, late in afternoon</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>have to cross a few streets to get to parking garage</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>stuck at crossing with large group of people</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>theres a mother and her young tard son</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>hes barking and thinks he's a dog</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>he's roofing at me and trys leg humping a stranger</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>she shouts at him and tries to control him</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>he calms abit, everyone is looking at him, hes now growling</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>get epic idea</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>get newspaper out of briefcase</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>throw into on coming traffic and shout FETCH!</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>tard barks and runs into traffic</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>mother screams </span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>tards gets hit by car</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>car was slowing down to turn, so it wasnt going really fast</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>tard was knocked over, bleeding, crying and screaming</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>crowd gathers, light turns green, i cross street</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>go home and lulz to myself but feel a little bad about it</span><br />
<span class="greentext" id="greentext">>saw tard again some time later</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>broken leg and scratched up face</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>glad he was ok... well, sort of ok anyway</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="greentext"><img src="http://wcatnews.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/retard-1.jpg" /></span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01928604478725678019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5877661071403857938.post-86799560451786214122011-10-26T21:06:00.001-04:002011-10-26T21:06:59.761-04:00Retard on the Bus<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;">I got this lovely one from lolsaywhat.com:</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>be on bus going to work (get a bus since its cheaper than driving)</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>sitting in middle of bus</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>group of tards get on</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>seats start to fill up with tards</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>i have the last seat</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>loud breathing fat tard sits next to me</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>breathing like he is trying to catch his breath</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>continues for half the trip</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>suddenly there is what i assumed is water flowing down the aisle</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>tards at very back of bus start getting rowdy</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>male tard lets out "MINDY PEED HUHUHUHUHUHUHU"</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>"water" was actually tard piss</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>glad i wasnt at the back but mad i have to step in it to get off bus</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>tard next to me still breathing loud</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>keeps trying to touch my fucking leg</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>he smells like shit so one hand is holding my nose while the other stops the tards hands</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>finally at my stop and try to get up and leave</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>tard wont move (i sat next to the window)</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>ask him to "please move as this is my stop"</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>still tries to touch my leg</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>repeat 2 more times</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>patience running out</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>ask one more time</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>still trying to touch my leg without saying a word</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>cant stand it anymore and punch the chunky fuck in the stomach and shove him out the the seat with my foot</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>other tards are making noise</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>fat tards makes strange hurr noise on the ground</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>i step past him and get off the bus</span><br />
i used to feel sorry for tards. i would be nice and try to help them. but there's only so long i can keep my cool with their retarded ways.</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01928604478725678019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5877661071403857938.post-33193770041576050462011-10-25T23:57:00.000-04:002011-10-26T00:35:15.447-04:00Tard Tantrum<h6 class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":1}" style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; word-wrap: break-word;"><span class="messageBody translationEligibleUserMessage" data-ft="{"type":3}"><div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" id="id_4ea7811bd37885b69206655" style="display: inline;"><div style="background-color: black;">Another 4 Chan Story</div></div></span></h6><h6 class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":1}" style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; word-wrap: break-word;"><span class="messageBody translationEligibleUserMessage" data-ft="{"type":3}"><div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" style="display: inline;"><div style="background-color: black;"><br />
</div></div></span></h6><h6 class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":1}" style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; word-wrap: break-word;"><span class="messageBody translationEligibleUserMessage" data-ft="{"type":3}"><div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" style="display: inline;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;">>Highschool</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;">>lunch time</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;">>tard tries to cut in the lunch line</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;">>admin stops him</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;">>starts to flip his shit, running around the cafeteria screaming obscenities and flicking people off</span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: black; display: inline;">>he flips his shit when people hiss at him<br />
>whole cafeteria starts hissing<br />
>he runs up to a vending machine and starts smashing his head against it, it breaks<br />
>school cop detains him, brings him outside<br />
>earlier admin comes out too<br />
>tard gets pissed at admin, tries to fight him<br />
>cop throws his ass to the ground</span></div></span></h6>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01928604478725678019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5877661071403857938.post-77356309806344605442011-10-25T23:49:00.000-04:002011-10-25T23:49:39.718-04:00Helmet Tard Pete<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px;">A lovely story I got from 4 Chan.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px;">>Elementary School.<br />
>Had this kid we used to call 360 Pete since he would run down the hallway, jump and spin in a 360<br />
>One day at recess Pete lost his fucking mind and decided to headbutt the school's brick wall over and over and over.<br />
>He hit the wall so hard he took chunks of brick out of it and had blood everywhere<br />
>Now 360 Pete wears a helmet.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px;"><img src="http://www.motifake.com/image/demotivational-poster/1004/a-brick-wall-tribute-to-the-mods-demotivational-poster-1272230625.jpg" /></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01928604478725678019noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5877661071403857938.post-80839525102566727752011-10-20T23:04:00.000-04:002011-10-20T23:04:19.847-04:00Assorted Tard Stories<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;">Here's some more tard stories from lolsaywhat.com.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>2nd grade</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>tard in gr 3, this kid was like 10/10 retarded. he wore the same pair of sweatpants everyday, weighed at least 200 lbs, as wide as he was tall, and was balding. legit. there were huge patches of his tard hair missing.</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>this fucker peed everywhere he could.</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>tard pisses in boot room</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>more specifically, pissed inside a kids shoe</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>nice hammock made of blue rope in playground at school</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>one day tard pisses in it</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>whole fucking hammock smells like piss</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>tard trollface when school removes it</span><br />
<span class="greentext" id="greentext">>Gr 10</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>best friend has fat black retarded chick named tracy on his bus</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>every fucking day tracy sings along to hannah montana on her fucking late 90s walkman cd player</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>loud and annoying as shit</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>whole bus throws carrots at her one day</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>she cries and tard rages, bus driver installs cameras</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>shit gets so bad driver puts in seating plan</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>my friend gets tracy's former seat</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>when bus driver tells him this he gets super pissed</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>DO I LOOK FAT, BLACK, OR RETARDED?</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>whole bus cheers</span><br />
<span class="greentext" id="greentext">>be in gr 12</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>tard on my bus</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>favorite tard ever</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>short, arabic, two lazy eyes</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>this kid physically cannot maintain eye contact with anyone or anything</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>super polite but occasionally swears like a sailor so it's really funny</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>will laugh has ass off if you say "shit" or "fuck", thinks tourettes guy is the funniest thing ever.</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>obsessed with christmas</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>has been singing christmas carols every day on the bus since the end of september</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>carries around an iphone which he shows to everyone, only two things on it are national lampoons christmas vacation and tourettes guy clips</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>every picture on his facebook (yes, this tard has fb) is christmas related</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>kid has no memory; i talk to him everyday and i'm still not sure if he knows who i am</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>bring guitar on the bus everyday and he always asks if its a guitar</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>wants to be a paramedic</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>calls every girl he meets beautiful, honestly means it</span><span class="greentext" id="greentext">>mfw this tard is a nobler gentleman than i</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="greentext"><img src="http://www.thehighdefinite.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/a-random-funny-09r-7.jpg" /></span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01928604478725678019noreply@blogger.com0