How Autistics Work out

Try out this work out routine from the Intreweb's Asspie LOLCow ADF. What the fuck is with Autstics who think they are buffer than they are? And why do they cross dress?!

Guy falls down escalator in wheelchair

Wheelchair tard falls down an escalator. When will these retards learn to use the elevator? Hilarious as hell. I laughed like a tard and drooled!

Autistic Politics

Watch this confirmed Autistic talk about his politics. Yup, he is a communist transsexual. Why are Autistics more likely to do that transsexual shit? Seriously, it reminds me of Chris-Chan's TomGirl. Bonus footage of a pothead hippie spouting his bullshit.

Asspie Strength

From 4-Chan:

Back in middle school there was this aspie fuck named Jacob or something and we used to really fuck with him all the time. The real terrible people in our class would lead him into thinking they were friends and then start ignoring him. I think at one point he thought he was invisible because of this.Anyway for some reason we would just say "pickle" to him over and over again and he would totally flip shit about it and one time he used his asspie strength to pin some kid up against a wall. Funny shit.But a bunch of us got in trouble for harassing him or some bullshit and that's where we learned about aspergers. Now imagine that. A guidance counselor just told a bunch of immature junior high kids about asperger's syndrome, and how the kid we already fucking hate has it. That just made everything worse for him, as I'm sure you can imagine.

Super Tard Powers

Here is a funny story from 4-Chan:

In elementary school, there was this tard named Justin or something stupid like that. He was fairly harmless, but so damn gullible. I in particular liked to fuck with him. I managed to convince him that he'd float into space if he didn't put rocks in his pocket. I remember me just laughing my ass off as he frantically shoved gravel and sand into his pockets. Another time some friends and I managed to convince him if he ate a caterpillar, he'd get super speed. You know how a tard runs, clumpy and slow with their arms out like they're trying to fly? That's what he was doing, while we were all cheering and acting amazed and impressed with his 'super powers'. The last major time I messed with him was when I noticed a big rock sticking partially out of the ground. I got Justin and managed to convince him it was a dinosaur bone. He got all the other tards to help him dig it up. This went on for about a week or so before the teacher decided to come investigate the quiet congregation of tards. She talked to Justin, saying they couldn't play in the dirt. He threw his plastic spoon he had been digging with and threw a loud tantrum. Stomping, screaming, and throwing stuff while his tard friends blankly stared. The teachers had to drag him inside.Pic related, Justin was fuckin terrified of snakes.

Retard Spikes Punch

Here is another gem from facepunch.com.

I had a birthday party that my mom threw for me and she of course sent out my invitations for me to invite all my friends from the small community. She apparently though the Tard down the street roger was one of my friends or something because he got an invitation too.

Anyways it was early in the party and we were outback jumpin on a trampoline while my mom was busying herself with preparing things. A few people had already arrived when Rog (Half the time he'd only respond to Rog, only adults could call him Roger) showed up at the door with his present in hand. No one answered the door and he let himself in. We didn't even know that he was in the house when he apparently heard the call of nature. He wasn't familiar with our house or something and couldnt find a bathroom within sight of the front door(i know its hard with these inventions called hallways) and seated himself above a punchbowl that was on the table next to the door, entirely removed his pants, and began to take a nasty tard shit, right into the punch bowl.

Just as he was mid-turtlehead pokin out several other guests arrived, and walked in to find this greasy, rib-thin guy with the happiest look on his face makin a boom-boom in my Kool-aid. At the shock of being walked in on he grabbed his gift for the part and ran out the door, without his pants, and down the street back to his house. His mom made him apologize but we still had to clean it up.

Comander Tard

I saw this on FacePunch.com. I'm not sure where it came from originally.

I'm sitting in my final period class--study hall 'cause I'm a lazy SOB-- listening to the tard in my class babble on about nothing in particular and occasionally laugh that goofy tard laugh.

You have to understand: this is in rural Pennsylvania, a few miles outside of Gettysburg, so not only is the kid retarded, but he's a redneck military lunatic. He has this camoflauge backpack that he carries with him and talks to all the time (its name, apparently, is "Commander"-- I can't make this shit up).

Anyway, he had just come from P.E. class, and he smelled worse than usual. I mean, he usually smelled like a tard that never bathed and had just taken P.E., but-- shit, today it was really bad. One of the assholes in the class (a senior) looks at him and asks why he smells so bad.

"Not me," he says.

"Not you? Then what smells so bad?"

"Lieutenant."

"Lieutenant?"

"Yup."

At this, the tard proceeds to reach into his backpack and pull out a skinned squirrel. I'm not shitting you. The thing smells like it's been in his backpack for a couple of days at this point. So he pulls this thing out of his tardpack and then--AND THEN--he starts to fucking GNAW on the squirrel's head.

Christ, it was disgusting. By this point, girls have run screaming from the room, and at least one of the guys has puked. The "study hall supervisor" (also our P.E. instructor) comes back from the bathroom amid all the racket. He comes in and sees the tard chewing on something and decides to confront the tard about it (against the rules to have food, you know).

"Hey, whatcha got the--OH, SHIT." He immediately goes into deal-with-the-fucking-tard mode and soothingly coaxes the tard into removing the squirrel from his mouth.

The tard complies, then looks right in the supervisor's eyes and says, deadpan, "Commander doesn't like Lieutenant." I don't know what happened to him after that; he was transferred out of study hall and kept in the all-tard classes from then on.